Out of jealousy
by catalinau
Summary: Hi! My name is Catalina and today i am starting to write my first fanfiction story. I read all you've written and i thought i give it a go. I had this idea from the episode The Party's Over, season 3. So, i hope you will enjoy it!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It has been 12 years. 12 years of hiding, of intense hurt, of pain, of insane jealousy…he couldn't do it anymore, he couldn't wait for her any longer, he couldn't bear one more insult. Yes, he was a servant, as she so nicely called him, but he was also a man and she a woman. Why, why did he had to fall in love with her? From all the women in this world why her? The most arrogant, selfish, cruel, bitch of Broadway? He would have give almost anything to not feel what he was feeling, to not stay awake all night wondering how long till she will found another rich, handsome, young man, who would pass her family standards? How long till Mr. Sheffield will give in to her constant flirting, how long until he would lose her forever? He couldn't do this anymore.

He turned his had and looked at the clock on his night stand, it was 2:30 am. Another night wasted, another night of pitying himself, another night wondering why him? And even though her constant rejection hurt like hell, deep in his heart he knew that if he had to choose between never meeting her and this situation, he would pick the latter. Because he couldn't even imagine his life without her in it. It would have been such a lonely, sad place.

And this past days have drive him almost nuts. Usually, he could live with the fact that she was so taken with Mr. Sheffield, but he really hated the trips that they had to make together. He knew that were business trips, that Mr. Sheffield had no feelings for her…but still. They were two single people, with no obligation, with no spouses and if they wanted to they could take things further. And than a series of images with cross his mind so vividly … his hand, brushing her soft skin, his lips, kissing her full, red lips, his eyes admiring her nakedness. And with each image, something inside him flinch and the jealousy he was feeling consumed him like nothing ever did. Besides, there was more to it than thinking about the possibility of her and Mr. Sheffield getting together. It was the way she would behave herself before this trips. He felt purely nauseated by her behavior… her desperation to have him all for herself, the preparation she made before the trips, all the planning, all the effort she put in her plan to finally have him. He didn't understand why a woman so beautiful as her had to stoop so low. Ok, so she didn't love or want him, but she could find a lot of people out there willing to cherish the ground she walked on, why did she want Mr. Sheffield so bad? From all the men in the world, why Mr. Sheffield?

There were moments when he almost hated him and at the same time he would have given everything to be him just for an hour… to feel her desire, her love, her need.

In the morning, they would live to Boston. She wanted so bad to go with Mr. Sheffield alone that he got scared that something might really happen between them this time. He hated this insecurity, sometimes he hated her, for causing it, sometimes he hated himself, for letting himself feel it. So he had to do something, he had to stop her. In a way, he still hoped that she had some feelings for him, the fact that she engaged in all the pranks and zingers that he throw her way, made him feel somehow special. He knew that she felt something for him, not just indifference, he only hoped that there was something more under all that hate that she parade every day.

So he came up with a plan…if he convinced Mr. Sheffield to take the children with him, she didn't have a chance in hell to come near him.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

She stumbled, fighting to unlock the door. The keys fell from her shaking hand a few times before she could turn the lock. She was finally home, she was safe, nobody could see her here, she could cry and mourn the loss of her husband, of her love, of her life…

She closed the door and started to walk slowly not knowing what to do next. She cried all the way home, in the taxi. She didn't care what the poor driver thought. She could have drived, but her whole body was trembling so she thought that this was safer. She leaned against the wall behind her, closing her eyes, asking herself again what will she do, how she will survive this. She couldn't escape the feeling that she was living her worst nightmare and she couldn't wake up. She slowly opened her eyes, tears rolling down her face again and the first thing that her eyes focused on was the framed photo from the day they got married. They seemed so happy, she knew that she was so happy that day…and then a snaky thought started to insinuate – was he with her then? Or maybe there was another one? And then she remembered his three female friends. She was so stupid, she should have known right there and then, but instead she tried to put that aside as something not important enough to ruin their chance of happiness. What kind of man, at his age has that kind of best buddies? Was this all a lie? And then flashes of his touches, and his whispers and the way he looked at her crossed her mind. And then she felt the rage and the anger and the hurt growing inside of her. She looked again at that photo, at their stupid smiling faces, mocking her from the frame. She took a few fast steps and with a howl she threw the photo, with the beautiful frame that she so proudly picked from her favorite store, to the wall. The glasses scattered all over the place and she fell to her knees, with her hands covering her face and cried. An hour later she was crouched on the floor still crying but feeling that she needs something to take away the pain. She didn't even knew what to take, a sedative or a glass of whisky. She decided that she needed both, not caring about the result of mixing them together.

It was raining for some time now and he just sat there, outside the house, looking at his shoes, trying to gather the strength and the courage to face her. She told him she doesn't want to see him today, but he couldn't stay away, knowing that she is suffering that way and knowing that he is the cause for it. He needed her to scream at him, hit him, whatever she needed, hoping that in the end she will forgive him. He needed her forgiveness, so he can forgive himself. He just sat there and watched his tears fall down mixing with the drops of rain. He was disgusted with himself, he didn't knew how will he live with himself if he would lose her. But right now, all he wanted was to take her pain away. The expression of pain from her face, when she realized what is about to happen in that court haunted him, playing in his mind over and over and over again. And the fact that he will have to live the rest of his life with that image in his mind scared him to death. Why the hell did he slept with that woman, he wasn't even interested in her, he was just a little drunk, angry that Diane chose her work over him again and just missing her like crazy. And when Holly came in the bar, trying to seduce him, he finally gave in. Maybe he needed something easier, just sex, nothing heavy, nothing to constantly fight for, maybe it was the need to see someone crazy for him and showing it, without complications, without the postponing, and the "I want to, but I can't". That has always been a constant in their relationship…i want to, but I can't. She said it from their first date and in a way or another that just kept happening…I want for us to go away, but I can't, I want to spend the weekend at your cabin, but I can't, I want to have dinner, or breakfast or whatever with you, but I can't, because…work, work, work. How many times he waited for her, with dinner ready, but he finally fell asleep or with breakfast, but she just took something to eat on her way. Work has been the most important thing in her life, not him. He always felt that, from the beginning, that's why he hesitated when she talked about marriage. How awful it is, to love someone and deep down in your heart know that at any given moment, that someone will choose something else over you. He was even afraid to push it more, to ask her to take it easier, to spend more time with him, to come home earlier. He was afraid that she would choose her work over him again. She has always put him on the second place and he was always forced to be happy with what time was left for him, with the remains of the day. He was trying to justify himself in his mind, because he himself needed an explication for what he did, but most importantly needed something, anything to stop him from hating himself to the self – destruction point.

He finally raised his shaking hand and knocked on the door. Once, twice…nothing. He then rang the bell, once, twice…nothing. He started to get worried. He just tried to open the door and the door opened, it wasn't even locked. So he started to walk inside the room, afraid of what will happen next.


End file.
